Drowning

Right now in this very moment, everyone around me thinks I've got it totally together, everything's fine, and just ask me and I'll have the answer. Someone comes to be with their issue and I'm the one who puts things right, make them laugh, give them the shoulder they need. When in all honesty, right now, I want to walk off the edge of the cliff and free fall into the bay. I am nonexistent to everyone who said they would be there "no matter what" and trying to hide from everyone else. I'm basically just going thru the motions and slowly shutting down. When I talk to someone I immediately turn the subject to them, or anything else but me. My Best friend, the only one I have is avoiding me for reasons unknown to me. Its been two weeks since I've talked to him. My phone is quiet all the time and I'm wondering why I bothered charging it back up. Yet, no one would ever guess that I'm wallowing in misery that I have to use every ounce of energy I have to pull thru every second of the day.