This Life Is A Performance

Ever since having a health scare and being pissed off from my life, I have been acting as though I'm fine with what my life is becoming. I'm not happy. I tried to put on strong face but I just feel like I'm lying to myself. Im not okay. I'm hating how everything is going. I just want my life to be the way it used to be. I pretend I'm okay because nobody in my life would understand. I feel like i cant live a happy life because I'm going through emotions from not being happy with my love life, health, and current state in life. Will I ever not have to pretend? Is happiness a reality, true happiness? I dont want to have to pretend that I'm in a good mental place Bc I am certainly not!