The Haircut

Female version: 


First Woman: Oh, you got a haircut! That's so cute! 


Second Woman: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy-looking?


First Woman: Oh God, no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with it how it is, I think.


Second Woman: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts-that would really suit you. I was going to do that except that I was afraid it would accentuate my long neck.


First Woman: What's wrong with your neck? I would love to have a neck like yours: anything to take attention away from my awful shoulder line.


Second Woman: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything hangs so well on you. "You're like a walking fashion 
catalogue.But look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders, I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.


Male version: 


First Man: Haircut? 

Second Man: Yeah.

We Can Still Control Our Fears..

God created us with a small heart, filled with feelings and love, but he balanced them with a wise and deep mind.
Im one of those who are scared to love, even scared to trust, because in every time, i end up by being hurt. So i decided no to love again, and not to trust anyone, because i've been hurt enough. But let us think about it, is it the right decision? Well, i dont think so.
Everyone deserves a second chance, even us, because we shouldnt judge from our experiences, but we should learn from them, so that we take more care in the next times.
Well, i know we cant control our feelings, but im sure we can control our minds, we should show up strong and love with our full hearts, and just ignore our fears, because we cant avoid being hurt, whether it was because of love or because of other things.
I saw a post on my Facebook News feed by one of my friend that said "im not single, im reserved for the one who deserve". I guess thats the story of my life.

I Help Because It Feels Right

I also enjoy helping people in need or help people realize that they might need help to overcome something. I care too much some would say, but would that change me in helping people? No. I simply help and talk to others how are; lonely, depressed, or just need a friend to talk to. I have 2 good ears, and an open mind. I've help many people onair, on FB and people offline too, but I want to do more. Its an idea that seems unreachable at the moment, but my hopes and plans that I have may make it closer than it appears. There's so much I want to say, but my mind has gone blank lol. i want to be like someone, who remains unnoticed but helps others who really need help. I just find it so much easier to help someone then it is to just ignore that they need help and keep moving on. sometimes im self conscious and help because im worried about people thinking i have some other motive then just trying to be helpful but thats only with bosses or someone who is really attractive (xoxoxo). hope this inspires people to help more!
If anyone ever needs a friend or someone to just let stuff out on, I'll listen and only give advice if you ask for it :)

Apology - To whom it may concern

This is so hard to write i don't know if i should be funny or serious but here goes. I am so very sorry to you. I am very sorry for those instances when I have been rude to you. There have been so many misunderstandings between us. I apologize for the hurtful, harmful, dishonest and reckless things I've done in my life, to others and to myself, out of not knowing how to love and accept myself.  I apologize also to my self for the countless hours I've wasted stewing and being angry and bitter and refusing to forgive. I am truly sorry.

I apologize for losing my-self as I prefer and pay attention to other external happenings. I apologize for not responding to myself more. I apologize for not taking the care I know I am capable of. I apologize for cutting down my joy significantly so that I can fit in to this world. I apologize for not being able to believe that I am made solely of love. I am sorry that I close my heart when I get afraid. I am sorry that your invitations for closeness scare me and make me want to run away.  I am sorry if I disapointed or hurt you in the end. I apologize to anyone whom I have treated in a demeaning way. Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for all that stupid mistake that I made. And for those harsh words that I yelled. Those hurting arguments and tears that flowed on your cheeks. I'm sorry to hurt you at the time that I shouldn't do. I'm sorry to make you lost your temper to my foolishness. I'm sorry to call you "annoying" **I can't help it that time, you just are haha. (juss kiddin)No offence** I'm sorry to make you deal with my child-like personality. Yeah I was so childish. Yet you still be friend with me. Thank you for that and sorry for sometimes I didn't treat you like my best friend. Sorry for all the ignorance. I'm so proud to have a friend as smart as you. haha. ** ehh ehh don't blush now** Oh yea... Thanks for talking to me in the middle of night when I have problems. i'm sorry to make you sleep so late. :P

I don't know how to describe this feeling but when it comes to my friends *including you*.. I feel so hard to be separated from you... not just you.. all my friends too. ? I know I've done so many wrongdoings on you. Forgive me. :'( Thanks for being my friend again. Truly.. I can't take control of everything. People come and go, but memories stay. And I'm afraid that will haunted me for all my life. I'm afraid if I can't let my friend go on their own way. Including you. From the guy that always pissed you off.

Unanswered Questions

I sit and wonder how countries emerged,
How did these invisible boundaries surge..
Who gave men the right to claim,
Putting God’s own view of a united world to shame…

How is it that visa’s are denied to some,
And still they have the audacity to write ‘welcome’ !
They need bank statements to check whether you can sustain,
Oh – he’s gonna go to your country and beg his living – you think people are Insane?

Who defined what’s right and wrong,
Is it people with influence all along?
Pay your taxes for a better living,
Potholes, inflation, in return where is the giving?

How to complicate these simple facts?
Divert the people to something that attracts…
In the rat race chaos who wants tensions,
Is ignorance bliss to these unanswered questions?

Music and Moods

People say music is life,
And every moment they live with it,

Moments of past,
and moments of truth,
Moments that last,
The moments of youth...

Listening to slow progressive,
feeling an adreline rush,
Whats life got to give,
wanna speak but also wanna hush...

Sometimes people are rude,
And things go haywire,
Emotions and different moods,
Sometimes make things dire..

Live life the way you want to,
there are things which will come along,
life & music will take you through,
there is nothing right or wrong...

Emotions

There has always been this debate,
The girl asks the guy why are you late?
What happened to all the times when she made the guy wait,
The times that I speak of - are the times when they were on a date..


The girl always says - why are you insensitive,
The guy always has the opinion - my life let me live,
No matter how much the guy tries to give,
A small little thing and the girl takes ages to forgive..


Why on a date, does the guy always pay?
If he's silent - she says u never have anything to say,
I'm still waiting for that very day,
When girls understand - the guy cares in every way!

Dosti - Anup Verma

A song written and composed my me dedicated to all my friends.. recorded on a special occasion or call it a get together.. sorry for the bad audio quality, this video was recorded on mobile phone and plus i had some problem with my vocals(cold).

Week Ends Fun Starts

We decided to go on a casual road trip one night over dinner, because all of us needed a break from both work and studies. And all conveniently agree to the idea of needing a break. So last minute decision - to Rongthong.

 Rongthong is famous for Momos and beautiful view of the city and hills. Actually there are some more reason but I'm not aware about them. So, everything was set a day full of masti and maza. Me, Pankaj, Honey, Rohit, Rahul, Alok, Komal, Shweta and Rohit. There was one more guy but I dont know his name all I know that he was my friend Honey's Friend.

The plan was perfect, everything were in place but suddenly arrives a natural disaster "RAIN". Of course we love rain but that time we didn't wanted rain because our plan was at stake.
One by one the probablities were getting lesser. Rohit denied, Pankaj had some important work, Rain etc etc. Yet we started our trip but we had to decide what to do and How to do. After deciding, Ignition ON Full Throtle and here we go........

 it was so fun and wasn’t too expensive, which made for a great little getaway.

 Rohit and pankaj joined us inbetween. The journey was good and clean.

I had a really awesome time with my friends; enjoyable, fruitful and fun.


Even though it's a bit short and rush, I still had heaps of fun.

Thanks for the company and entertainment provided! :D

Im sharing some videos of the day.

SUICIDE ATTEMP...

Zindagi se pareshaan mera dost alok aka kanahiya ne faisla kar hi liya, ke ab ye duniya, ye mehfil uske kisi kaam ki nahi. ek alag duniya me kadam rakhne ka faisla usne kar hi liya. Wo duniya jo har kisi ki manzil hai, wo duniya jaha hum sabhi ko ek na ek din zaroor jana hai chahe hum apni marzi se jaaye ya nahi. Fark nahi parta!

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BHOOT AAYA....

Kehte hai ghana jungle khatarnaak hota hai, har tarah ke khatre hote hai waha. Chahe kisi khatarnaak jaanwar ka khatra ya kisi khatarnaak katil ka khatra. Lekin ek aisa khatra jiss se darte hum sabhi hai lekin aaj tak saamna nahi hua; Bhoot, pret, atma ka khatra. Kab kaha aajaye kya pata. Aur kab kisi ke sarir me pravesh kar jaye, kya bharosa. 

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THE BEGINNING 

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THE JOURNEY - BAS YUN HI

The Reason Is You

I really screwed over someone. It took a while for me to realize what I did, maybe I was not healthy emotionally. But this song put's into words what I can't describe. Since She made me realise,  I have come to know what a horrific thing I did and if there was some way I could take it all back I would do it in a heartbeat. She is one of the best person I have ever known. With is song I feel I can become perfect person and she is the reason of this energetic feeling. The song is the perfect appology for mistakes made in friendship or it can be a relationship. It allows me to realize that I am not perfect and I don't have to beat myself up forever but, as an intelligent and loving person, I have a responsibility to myself and to those in my life to learn and improve...

I remember the first time I heard this song ages ago and I loved it. I've heard this song more than a hundered times before but never thought much about it till today. This song is true. Sometimes I think I'm not a perfect person for anyone but I know I can be a better person for someone. This song means a great deal to me.

Lyrics

"The Reason - Hoobastank"

"The Reason"

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

and the reason is You [x3]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

What Is Love

Love... we talk about it, say it, and feel it.

But, in relationships it is valuable to behave with love, to experience love, to interact in love.

"Love, as a word, is memorialized in countless books, movies, poems, and musical compositions. While there are many definitions of love, its essence, when used as a verb, can be captured in a few phrases: to care for, to cherish, to respect, to honor, to show an interest in, to value, or to treat with kindness."

~Francine Ward

Falling Out Of Love

People who "fall out of love" can indeed fall back in love.

It happens all the time.

Occasionally I hear people want to end relationships because they have "fallen out of love".

They just don't feel what they once felt hence think the relationship must end so they can find someone else who they truly love.

My response to this is that, most often, "falling out of love" really means, a couple hasn't invested in the relationship in a way to keep love alive and vibrant.

Now, of course there are times where a couple has moved into two different worlds and has no interest in coming together, or a couple finds the relationship unhealthy, and therefore believe it is in the best interest to separate.

But, more often then not, a couple can absolutely rekindle that spark if they want to, and if they are willing to nurture the relationship.

I use the plant analogy a lot but it applies to this situation... if a plant is not given the nutrients it needs to survive it will die. Similarly if a relationship is not given nourishment it too will wilt and ultimately die. But, even a wilted plant can come back to life if given sunlight, water, and healthy soil.

And, the love that was once in a relationship can also come alive again with the proper care. In truth, often couples find their new found love is even stronger and more powerful than previously, and that overcoming the challenge brought them together in new more amazing ways.

To create a vibrant healthy relationship does take time, energy, and determination. It takes a willingness on both parties to move toward love. And it takes knowing that one can, again, fall in love.

Pal Pal Har Pal (Pal = Friend)

Throughout my life, my friends have always been there for me... they have helped me to maintain my stability and happiness. They always help me when I'm in trouble and they share my joy when I am happy. They are like candlelights that brighten up my way by providing me with their priceless advice. Some of them are so close to me that I even consider them a part of my family.

each of those moments was special because they were there to share them with me... Now that I've said this, I guess it would be better for me to tell YOU a litlle bit more about each of them.

(I will have pics of each of them soon)

Subhojit Ghosh(bonny)

If what you are looking for is fun and an awesome person to share your life with... go with Bonny He is always hyper and full of joy to give to his friends and we love to talk and basically chill together. He is one of my best friends and he knows how important he is in my life. We've spent the coolest moments together!! Everyone that knows me in person knows exactly how much I talk abut him and how important he has been in my life. With Bonny I not only found true friendship... I also discovered the real meaning of love. He loves a girl since high school and trust me he haven't fallen for anyone else. He is by far the most amazing and mysterious person I have met in my life. Bonny: thanx for giving me some of the best moments of my whole life... and eventhough we might seem to be separated, you know that deep down we'll always be one.

Pankaj Agarwal

Pankaj and I have gone through soooo much in the last couple of years. We have laughed and cried, but most importantly we have grown immensely from each other's company. He is one of the most admirable and passionate people I know and I love him dearly. Thank you Gotiya for bringing the sunshine into my life.

Shweta Agarwal(rajnikant)

I consider her to be one of the most influential friends. She taught me millions of things, and you can thank her for who I am now. We had big big fights and when i say BIG its really BIG. She understands almost everything and sometimes this is the thing that i didnt really liked about her but now i know thats the best part of her. There is no one like her. She thinks she doesn't knows me but i can assure her one think, at this moment if there is a girl(friend) on earth who knows me very well, its Shweta. With Shweta I spent incredible moments & she is the one who knows everything about me... hehehe I know many things about her also.... She loves music and dancing... Shweta is a happy person who would give everything to someone she cares for. I call her Rajnikant for a reason and she knows that.

Honey Singh

When you move to a new locality the last thing you expect is to find friends that are so valuable and important that fast. When I moved here(punjabi para) I met Honey the 2nd day of Apna Utsav, and since then we started this journey of happiness and adventure called friendship. He has become more than a friend to me, he's always there when I need him and with a smile to share when I'm sad. We have fun everytime when we are together, it's like if magic surrounded us and made of that moment a special one everytime. I'm so thankful that destiny placed this brother cum friend in my life because I know we have something that will last 4ever. Sardaar: I just wanna thank you for being always by my side and for just being you... yOu kIcK aSs!!!

Rohit Sharma(kanji)

Definately one of the coolest dudes I have ever met. With Rohit I've spent the coolest and craziest times of my life. We get so hyper together it's not even funny. I am really glad he is a part of my life because he is a really good friend, who is always willing to listen to you when you need him. We are "work out" partners and our goal is to build 6 pack to show off our muscular bodies [yeah right!!] hehehe... He is really an honest guy and can never tell a lie. I count on him and respect him a lot.!

Komal Chugh

Komal is one of the most authentic human beings I have met in my life. Although we haven't spent much time together but yet she has demonstrated how much she is worth time and time again and has never disappointed me. Therefore, she occupies a very special place in my heart, and with her I've spent some of the best times EVER! Thanx Komal for always putting a smile on my face. I love Ya!

Shiwam Prasad(mota)

Shiwam is one of the best friends I have ever had. We shared the coolest times together... I mean... I hardly ever connect with someone in so many levels as I did with him. He was always there for me... and I think we both really grew up thanks to each other's company. We were inseparable in secondary school... and although he is enjoying the good life right now... I know that deep down we will always be tight. Shiwam... thanx for helping me to express my true self... U R Awesome!

Arannya Bhaduri(guddu)

I met Guddu at High FM about a year ago... but somehow it seems like I've known him for a lifetime. He is what I call a TRUE friend. He is always there for me when I need a shoulder to lean on. Guddu is a very talented Artist and a very passionate and goal driven individual. I know there are great things waiting for Guddu in the future... and I definately hope I will be by His side to share them with him.

Hemant Agarwal

Hemant is one of the wickedest guys I've ever met. We basically started hanging out, but in this very short time period he has shown me what a true friendship is. When we are together, we can talk about anything and just chilling is AWESOME! He has become my best friend and hopefully this will last 4ever. Love ya Man

Rahul Garg(idly)

"Chota Packet Bada Dhamaka". I guess this would be the perfect term to define him. I have no idea how we became good friends but one thing i want to say about him.. He is one little MAN. There is a saying "Never judge a book by its cover", once when you get to know rahul; you will agree to this saying. When i was ill and hospitalised, there was not a single day when he didn't came to my home or hospital to see me. I owe him a lot. A sweet and kind friend.

Anand Kanu(hawas ka pujari)

Anand is a very clever guy, he met me when I was in High FM, and since then we became very good friends, we use to talk about lots of things, and we shared one of the best moments in our lives... and then suddenly.... time was a bad friend.... we had to split because his training with high fm was over but when i moved to Radio Misty and since then our friendship tirned to a great friendship. He likes computers, flirting with girls... he likes to read and enjoys writing poetry and stories...

Smiti Tamang(munni)

Smiti is the sweetest thing! At first when I saw her, I was amazed, she was really gorgeous but few months back she told me that we we saw each other for the first time she thought i was a very egostic person. One of the most amazing thing about our friendship is that since we became friends, WE NEVER MET. Yes we didn't. Recently she got married and i really wanted to be with her on that very special day of her life but for some reason i couldn't. We support and help each other a lot (i guess so). She is a sweet girl and loves dancing a lot. Her husband really cares for her, I never met him in person or had a word with him but i know he Does.for the longest time I thought she hated me and that she was glaring at me, but then I got to know her and discovered the sweet and caring girl behind those glares. We've had so much fun together, like grad and our tanning sessions. Thanks Emily for always being there for me and for worrying about me, XoXo

P.S. Still there lots of friends about whom i am writing and will update this post soon.

I Dream

I can go to a place from my past in my dreams. Sometimes I want to see someone so badly, that I make them appear in my dreams. I will have conversations with my grand father, who died many years ago. Sometimes, the people seem so real, but other times they are so distant. For example, quite often I tell the people in my dreams that I am currently dreaming them, and they just stare at me. It is like I just burst their bubble, and they don't want to believe me.... 

I am Me

People get surprised after they know the real me... well i didn't ask them to expect i m prefect or angle, i m who i am, not more or less.

people think of me high, well its nice and good to be prefect at the eyes of ppl but then when they know the real you the get surprised. Because they want you to be someone you r are not. when ppl see me they think i m gentle, family guy, not social, religious well i m not i m fun guy, romantic, very social, i like to let loose i m very open person and one thing they never expect i m single...

Well ppl i come as package take it or leave it. ... Kind Of Obvious... but just to make it perfectly clear, I'm not who I'm not :)

When I'm Gone by 3 Doors Down

There's another world inside of me that you may never see

There's secrets in this life that I can't hide

I think this is about a part of your life you are not able to share with the other person, but you want to share... the secrets are hidden, but they are in plain sight... either by choice or by subconscious actions of the person who has the secret. He/she wants to share it, but it may be too painful to share, or for someone to hear it, let along understand it, or accept it. It is just a matter of actually seeing them, whether you want to understand that secret is up to you. It goes on to talk about a loneliness inside this person, or a darkness... whatever it is, he/she is wanting to bring it out, to talk it out, to share it with the other person. 

Somewhere in this this darkness there's a light that I can't find

Maybe it's too far away or maybe I'm just blind

Or maybe I'm just blind

I believe this is a secret, that you are not able to share, that it is so dark... the light is courage... blind is fear...

It's so true! This song is one of those songs you can get lost in for hours! 

When I'm Gone - 3 Doors Down

LYRICS

There's another world inside of me 

That you may never see

There're secrets in this life

That I can't hide

Somewhere in this darkness

There's a light that I can't find

Maybe it's too far away...

Or maybe I'm just blind...

Or maybe I'm just blind...

So hold me when I'm here

Right me when I'm wrong

Hold me when I'm scared

And love me when I'm gone

Everything I am

And everything in me

Wants to be the one

You wanted me to be

I'll never let you down

Even if I could

I'd give up everything

If only for your good

So hold me when I'm here

Right me when I'm wrong

You can hold me when I'm scared

You won't always be there

So love me when I'm gone

Love me when I'm gone...

When your education X-Ray

Cannot see under my skin

I won't tell you a damn thing

That I could not tell my friends

Roaming through this darkness

I'm alive but I'm alone

Part of me is fighting this

But part of me is gone

Or maybe I'm just blind...

Love me when I'm gone...

Love me when I'm gone

When I'm Gone

When I'm Gone

When I'm Gone

Manna Dey - The Legend

AAJ MANNA DEY JEE KA JANAM DIN HAI, UNKE GAANE MUJHE HUMESHA SE INSPIRE KARTE AAYE HAI. AISE MUJHE KABHI PURANE GAANO KA SHAUK NAHI THA LEKIN MERE PAPA HUMESHA MUJHE INSIST KARTE THE KE MAI PURANE GAANE SUNA KARU KHAAS TAUR SEKISHORE KUMAAR AUR MANNA DEY JE KE. SACH KAHE TO TAB SE PURANE GAANO KA SHAUK HUA.

ISME KOI SHAQUE NAHI HAI KE MANNA DEY INDIA KE BEST SINGERS ME SE EK HAI. INKI VERSATILITY HI HU INKI PECHAAN HAI.. MD. RAFI, TALAT MEHMOOD, MUKESH SAHAB, KISHORE KUMAR JAISE BOHOT SAARE LEGENDARY SINGERS KE SAATH UNHO NE LIME LIGHT SHARE KARI HAI. UNKE PITA KA NAAM THA PURNA CHANDRA DEY AUR UNKE MAA KA NAAM, MAHAMAYA DEY. BACHPAN SE HI SANGEET ME UNKI BOHOT RUCHI THI. AUR USS WAQT UNKE INSPIRATION AUR KOI NAHI BALKE UNKE UNCLE "KRISHNA CHANDRA DEY THE JO KUDH EK MUSIC TEACHER THE. KEHENA TO HOGA KI LIFE STORY AUR UNKI SINGING CAREER, DONON HI KAAFI INSPIRING HAI. AS A PLAYBACK SINGER UNKI KI CAREER KI SHURUAAT HUI 1943 ME FILM "TAMANNA" SE, UNKE UNCLE "KRISHNA CHANDRA DEY" ISS FILM KE MUSIC COMPOSER THE, ISSI FILM ME MANNA DEY NE SURAIYA KE SAATH MILKAR EK BEHAD HI KHUBSURAT KA DUET GAAYA THA. AUR GAANE KO SABHI NE PASAND KIYA. SAAL 1950 ME EK FILM AAIE "MASHAAL", JISME EK GAAN AHI "UPAR GAGAN VISHAAL", YE UNKA SOLO SONG THA S.D.BURMAN NE ISS GAANE KO COMPOSE KIYA THA. SAAL 1952 ME UNHO NE FILM "AMAR BHUPALI" KE LIYE EK GAANA GAYA JISSE BHASHAO ME BHI COMPOSE KIYA GAYA AUR MANNA DEY JE NE BENGALI AUR MARATHI, DONO HI LANGUAGES ME ISS GAANE KO GAYA AUR DESH BHAR KE SABSE CHAHITE SINGER BANN GAYE

MANNA DEY BOHOT HI VERSATILE SINGER THE AISE KOI SINGER NAHI THE JO UNKI KI ISS VERSATILITY KI NAKAL KAR PAYE. MD. RAFI, KISHORE KUMAR JAISE AUR BHI BOHOT SE LEGENDARY SINGERS KE GAANO KO UNHO NE BADE AARAAM SE GAYA HAI. WO BHI APNE EK UNIQUE STYLE ME.. MANNA DEY DEFINATELY ISS INDUSTRY KE SABSE BEST TRAINED SINGER HAI.. UNHO NE ALAG ALAG BHASHAON ME BOHOT SAARE GAANE GAYE, BOHOT SAARE GAANO KO APNE SURO SE SAJAYA HAI, DUNIYA BHAR ME STAGE SHOWS KIYE HAI. YE APNE AUDIENCE KA HUMESHA KHAYAL RAKHTE HAI .AGAR YAKEEN NAHI HOTA TO KABHI MAUKA MILE TO UNKE LIVE SHOWS KI VIDEO AP YOUTUBE ME ZAROR DEKHIYEAGA. UNKI JHOLI ME AWARDS KI KAMI NAHI HAI. PADMA SHRI HO YA PADAM BHUSHAN, EK SINGER KO JITNE AWARDS MIL SAKTE HAI, UNTE UNKE KI JHOLI ME HAI..

Someone Like You Is Impossible To Find

We never met, but we went through big argument, laughing and understanding each other which is very rare nowadays between male and female friends.

I admit I am still one of those kinds who is looking for the right person to spend my life with. And I am also not going to deny, I was one of those who messed around who didn't take things serious. But after all I grown up and gained some respectful trustful friendships instead of random sex or irresponsible choices.
And I have always been kind and loving to my closest people, and people who need help. And I am very glad that these are something never been changed. Well that's how I see this world.

Alright, I'm wondering why I'm writing this?! I've never been more excited to write. This post is for a girl who is really mysterious but still I feel I know her. I still can't figure how I found her but I don't want to think about that. At first we used to chat very formally but then we started talking like we are good friends. Even today we do the same, we talk like any normal good friends does. We hardly share few likes and dislikes in common but love to chat. She is one girl who is original, Cannot be replaced. I do have female friends and they are really good to me and as person too. I feel lucky to have then but when its comes about mysterious girl, Well I don't know what to say, I Smile and Smile and Smile. The funniest part is, Sometimes she gets angry when I reply with a smiley " :) ". I like the way she is. There are only a few people who are kind and on the same hand open minded. I wanted to know her more, and I guess now I know her! Can't say about "MORE". I know there is still more to discover about her and I'm sure one day I will. She does her best for me to know her, I love the effort she puts to keep our friendship alive and making it strong day by day. Her Tags, Her Notes, Even a normal smiley grabs my attention. I don't know why but when ever I see a new message in my inbox, I expect it to be her. Hope she never gets me wrong because she certainly one of the best thing that has happened to me.

I never met Her, but I feel I know her.

I Am who I Am

Two years ago I wouldn't be writing this with a positive attitude. I have been through something that changed my life forever. Thats okay though because I love who I am I love who I am becoming.

After my traumatic experience I wasn't the same. I was so sad and always depressed. I wouldn't go anywhere I wouldn't do anything and I could hardly be bothered to leave my room. I was always wondering when the pain was going to go away. I hated being that way, but I wasn't doing anything to fix it.

I would love to say there was another life changing experience that led me to happiness again, but there wasn't. It just took time. I went to self-counseling, I talked with friends and eventually I was learning to deal with it. I was wondering why it happened to me insead of wondering why I survived it.  I survived what happened for a reason. I am now a stronger, smarter, and by far much more wise.

It may have taken me some time to realize that what happened changed me for the best, but I now know that it has. I hope that anyone that has been in a life altering situation chooses to become better because of it. Its not always easy, but it doesn't have to be as hard as we sometimes make it.

Looking Back In Future

Too bad my weekend will consist of studying and working. As I'm writing this, I'm sitting in my studio, Doing my show and on the same time writing too. I guess writing is a part of my talent.

I've been constantly asking myself lately, if this is where I am supposed to be in life. I feel like I screwed up so many things and maybe I'm starting over. Now, on the OTHER hand... I feel like I'm old. I'm done. No one is going to want to date an old hag like me but then I got an answer from myself "Dude, You are just 20, stop talking like a loser". After whatever I went through in my life I won't deny the fact that I really have changed a lot. It is good in some cases but not in case of friendship and bonding. I started looking and trearting everything with a professional point of view. I really forgot myself, certainly I did. But I've decided not to screw up more.

I thought my life is perfect, I play guitar, I write blog, I do Facebook, I have a good voice, My professional friends appreciates my talent, My Directors loves what I do, My office mates claims that I'm one of the best Voice Over Artist in my region And then I think, but I don't have anyone to share ME with...  And this is where I decided I'm lost.  I don't know where I should be.  Or what I should be doing.  I have a job, my business is doing pretty good, Whose to say where MY life should be?? Am I behind in achievements or something?  WHAT AM I MISSING!?!?!?

I know what i want, I want to be ME again, So I will be.

I'll be myself, but better. The new and improved me- the non angry me, the non lazy me, the non cynical me, the non negative me, the non berating me, the non sad me. I'll be good. I'll be kind. I'll be steadfast. I'll be faithful. I'll be proactive. I'll be diligent. I'll be open. I'll be funny. I'll be humble. I'll be half serious. I'll be calm. I'll be gentle. I'll be loving. I'll be really fucking good on stage, (with my grateful attitude, and humility in tact, of course). I will be happy, I want to become a person that radiates light, and goodness.

So what I'm learning is, there are a lot of nice people around. I'm also being reminded that I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to others. Couple that with the newness of my job and I feel pretty stressed in general.

How is it that I SEE myself repeating my mistakes. I SEE what I am doing wrong when I am doing it - and even before I do it. And yet I still do it? Why?

The scale read 76 today. I'm going up. I'm not working out and I am eating poorly. Let me expand on that one... I am eating destructively. Not only am I eating bad once in a while and not eating my veggies, I am actively eating the worst things. Why is that??

I know it's emotional, but I almost can't help it. ... That sounds so weak. Lame.

Once I started losing weight and changed my whole lifestyle before, I realized that when I was unhappy, I ate to try to ignore it or push it aside. And when I was really low, I thought about food a lot. I would literally think about what I was going to eat next, or where I could go to get something to eat. And then I changed. I ate to live instead of the other way around. And I was proud of myself! But now here I am doing the same thing I did back then. I am noticing that I think about food more and want to eat the unhealthiest things. Especially when I'm alone, that's when I pick up the chocolate bar at the store or go thru the drive thru and don't tell anyone. It's gross. Bad. Destructive.

I've asked the question, why, a couple times now. But if I am being honest, I know what's up. I don't know what to do with myself most days. I don't want any close ties with anyone. I am missing someone. I am pretending to be happy.

But from now, I wont be doing it. I am going back to ME. The "ME" which i was few years back. Will be taking back all the goods and will kick all the bads about myself out.

Now I need to let people back in my life. I've always kept such a distance from people, I would never tell them anything about myself. I had a deep line drawn in the sand around me. I hope I can let that go and invite someone in.

Lastly would like to say "Sorry" and "Thank You" to whom it may concern.