No matter how hurt or down I am, I always show a smile or at least pretend that I'm alright.
I think I try to prevent that I would let out everything and tell someone about everything that's at that moment curled up inside me, and I want to protect my friends. So often meanwhile I got to know how much it hurt them when I told them what is bothering me. But at the same time, it hurts them when I don't tell them. Seems as if there's no way to don't hurt anyone or get hurt.
It's really like a part of me though that I hide things. Never show weakness, just be strong in front of everyone. That was what I was thaught as a child. And people like you more when you're always the strong one... and with time they don't even care to look behind the mask -why should they even when they get what they need without it.
I often noticed that... when you're just smiling and are alright.... when I don't show weakness, then no one finds a spot to hurt me even more.
The more I hate myself when I break down too much and let my friends see how ****** up I really am.
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