It seems people are so busy, so preoccupied, etc. these days they either don't care to listen or are too worried to share the truth of the matter for fear of not being listened to. I can't blame those who don't share ... I'm one of them.
I realize, after an illness, people ask how you are as a social form of a greeting. It's not that they really want to know. And those who do want to know do not want to hear that you aren't doing well. Those who care enough to listen generally only care for so many months. They want to see some progress and improvement - they don't want to hear that you are still ill, have another surgery scheduled, etc. after about month 4.
The socially acceptable response to the automated greeting, "How are you?" is, "I'm okay (or good or anything positive.) How bout you?" Or so it is in my region. I suspect it's not much different anywhere else in the world.
Why are we socially automated? It's very difficult coming from my stand point. "Don't ask me if you don't want to know!" That's the response I adopted after a year or so of illness with no progress. However, since then, in order to maintain any amount of social activity I've had to learn to lie. I used to do it at work all the time - telling people I was fine or even great when it was the worst day ever. Why then should it be so difficult now? I suspect it has much to do with the illness.
I lie about how I am on every level; physical, emotional, just the day itself. I'm transparent and always have been, so it doesn't work well. When I'm caught in my lies I blame it on a new medication that makes me appear tired etc. I have a whole slew of excuses. But it's rare that I ever tell anyone how I truly feel anymore ... Sadly, and to my detriment, I've even begun hiding it from the doctors ...
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