The Reason Is You

I really screwed over someone. It took a while for me to realize what I did, maybe I was not healthy emotionally. But this song put's into words what I can't describe. Since She made me realise,  I have come to know what a horrific thing I did and if there was some way I could take it all back I would do it in a heartbeat. She is one of the best person I have ever known. With is song I feel I can become perfect person and she is the reason of this energetic feeling. The song is the perfect appology for mistakes made in friendship or it can be a relationship. It allows me to realize that I am not perfect and I don't have to beat myself up forever but, as an intelligent and loving person, I have a responsibility to myself and to those in my life to learn and improve...

I remember the first time I heard this song ages ago and I loved it. I've heard this song more than a hundered times before but never thought much about it till today. This song is true. Sometimes I think I'm not a perfect person for anyone but I know I can be a better person for someone. This song means a great deal to me.

Lyrics

"The Reason - Hoobastank"

"The Reason"

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

and the reason is You [x3]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

What Is Love

Love... we talk about it, say it, and feel it.

But, in relationships it is valuable to behave with love, to experience love, to interact in love.

"Love, as a word, is memorialized in countless books, movies, poems, and musical compositions. While there are many definitions of love, its essence, when used as a verb, can be captured in a few phrases: to care for, to cherish, to respect, to honor, to show an interest in, to value, or to treat with kindness."

~Francine Ward

Falling Out Of Love

People who "fall out of love" can indeed fall back in love.

It happens all the time.

Occasionally I hear people want to end relationships because they have "fallen out of love".

They just don't feel what they once felt hence think the relationship must end so they can find someone else who they truly love.

My response to this is that, most often, "falling out of love" really means, a couple hasn't invested in the relationship in a way to keep love alive and vibrant.

Now, of course there are times where a couple has moved into two different worlds and has no interest in coming together, or a couple finds the relationship unhealthy, and therefore believe it is in the best interest to separate.

But, more often then not, a couple can absolutely rekindle that spark if they want to, and if they are willing to nurture the relationship.

I use the plant analogy a lot but it applies to this situation... if a plant is not given the nutrients it needs to survive it will die. Similarly if a relationship is not given nourishment it too will wilt and ultimately die. But, even a wilted plant can come back to life if given sunlight, water, and healthy soil.

And, the love that was once in a relationship can also come alive again with the proper care. In truth, often couples find their new found love is even stronger and more powerful than previously, and that overcoming the challenge brought them together in new more amazing ways.

To create a vibrant healthy relationship does take time, energy, and determination. It takes a willingness on both parties to move toward love. And it takes knowing that one can, again, fall in love.

Pal Pal Har Pal (Pal = Friend)

Throughout my life, my friends have always been there for me... they have helped me to maintain my stability and happiness. They always help me when I'm in trouble and they share my joy when I am happy. They are like candlelights that brighten up my way by providing me with their priceless advice. Some of them are so close to me that I even consider them a part of my family.

each of those moments was special because they were there to share them with me... Now that I've said this, I guess it would be better for me to tell YOU a litlle bit more about each of them.

(I will have pics of each of them soon)

Subhojit Ghosh(bonny)

If what you are looking for is fun and an awesome person to share your life with... go with Bonny He is always hyper and full of joy to give to his friends and we love to talk and basically chill together. He is one of my best friends and he knows how important he is in my life. We've spent the coolest moments together!! Everyone that knows me in person knows exactly how much I talk abut him and how important he has been in my life. With Bonny I not only found true friendship... I also discovered the real meaning of love. He loves a girl since high school and trust me he haven't fallen for anyone else. He is by far the most amazing and mysterious person I have met in my life. Bonny: thanx for giving me some of the best moments of my whole life... and eventhough we might seem to be separated, you know that deep down we'll always be one.

Pankaj Agarwal

Pankaj and I have gone through soooo much in the last couple of years. We have laughed and cried, but most importantly we have grown immensely from each other's company. He is one of the most admirable and passionate people I know and I love him dearly. Thank you Gotiya for bringing the sunshine into my life.

Shweta Agarwal(rajnikant)

I consider her to be one of the most influential friends. She taught me millions of things, and you can thank her for who I am now. We had big big fights and when i say BIG its really BIG. She understands almost everything and sometimes this is the thing that i didnt really liked about her but now i know thats the best part of her. There is no one like her. She thinks she doesn't knows me but i can assure her one think, at this moment if there is a girl(friend) on earth who knows me very well, its Shweta. With Shweta I spent incredible moments & she is the one who knows everything about me... hehehe I know many things about her also.... She loves music and dancing... Shweta is a happy person who would give everything to someone she cares for. I call her Rajnikant for a reason and she knows that.

Honey Singh

When you move to a new locality the last thing you expect is to find friends that are so valuable and important that fast. When I moved here(punjabi para) I met Honey the 2nd day of Apna Utsav, and since then we started this journey of happiness and adventure called friendship. He has become more than a friend to me, he's always there when I need him and with a smile to share when I'm sad. We have fun everytime when we are together, it's like if magic surrounded us and made of that moment a special one everytime. I'm so thankful that destiny placed this brother cum friend in my life because I know we have something that will last 4ever. Sardaar: I just wanna thank you for being always by my side and for just being you... yOu kIcK aSs!!!

Rohit Sharma(kanji)

Definately one of the coolest dudes I have ever met. With Rohit I've spent the coolest and craziest times of my life. We get so hyper together it's not even funny. I am really glad he is a part of my life because he is a really good friend, who is always willing to listen to you when you need him. We are "work out" partners and our goal is to build 6 pack to show off our muscular bodies [yeah right!!] hehehe... He is really an honest guy and can never tell a lie. I count on him and respect him a lot.!

Komal Chugh

Komal is one of the most authentic human beings I have met in my life. Although we haven't spent much time together but yet she has demonstrated how much she is worth time and time again and has never disappointed me. Therefore, she occupies a very special place in my heart, and with her I've spent some of the best times EVER! Thanx Komal for always putting a smile on my face. I love Ya!

Shiwam Prasad(mota)

Shiwam is one of the best friends I have ever had. We shared the coolest times together... I mean... I hardly ever connect with someone in so many levels as I did with him. He was always there for me... and I think we both really grew up thanks to each other's company. We were inseparable in secondary school... and although he is enjoying the good life right now... I know that deep down we will always be tight. Shiwam... thanx for helping me to express my true self... U R Awesome!

Arannya Bhaduri(guddu)

I met Guddu at High FM about a year ago... but somehow it seems like I've known him for a lifetime. He is what I call a TRUE friend. He is always there for me when I need a shoulder to lean on. Guddu is a very talented Artist and a very passionate and goal driven individual. I know there are great things waiting for Guddu in the future... and I definately hope I will be by His side to share them with him.

Hemant Agarwal

Hemant is one of the wickedest guys I've ever met. We basically started hanging out, but in this very short time period he has shown me what a true friendship is. When we are together, we can talk about anything and just chilling is AWESOME! He has become my best friend and hopefully this will last 4ever. Love ya Man

Rahul Garg(idly)

"Chota Packet Bada Dhamaka". I guess this would be the perfect term to define him. I have no idea how we became good friends but one thing i want to say about him.. He is one little MAN. There is a saying "Never judge a book by its cover", once when you get to know rahul; you will agree to this saying. When i was ill and hospitalised, there was not a single day when he didn't came to my home or hospital to see me. I owe him a lot. A sweet and kind friend.

Anand Kanu(hawas ka pujari)

Anand is a very clever guy, he met me when I was in High FM, and since then we became very good friends, we use to talk about lots of things, and we shared one of the best moments in our lives... and then suddenly.... time was a bad friend.... we had to split because his training with high fm was over but when i moved to Radio Misty and since then our friendship tirned to a great friendship. He likes computers, flirting with girls... he likes to read and enjoys writing poetry and stories...

Smiti Tamang(munni)

Smiti is the sweetest thing! At first when I saw her, I was amazed, she was really gorgeous but few months back she told me that we we saw each other for the first time she thought i was a very egostic person. One of the most amazing thing about our friendship is that since we became friends, WE NEVER MET. Yes we didn't. Recently she got married and i really wanted to be with her on that very special day of her life but for some reason i couldn't. We support and help each other a lot (i guess so). She is a sweet girl and loves dancing a lot. Her husband really cares for her, I never met him in person or had a word with him but i know he Does.for the longest time I thought she hated me and that she was glaring at me, but then I got to know her and discovered the sweet and caring girl behind those glares. We've had so much fun together, like grad and our tanning sessions. Thanks Emily for always being there for me and for worrying about me, XoXo

P.S. Still there lots of friends about whom i am writing and will update this post soon.

I Dream

I can go to a place from my past in my dreams. Sometimes I want to see someone so badly, that I make them appear in my dreams. I will have conversations with my grand father, who died many years ago. Sometimes, the people seem so real, but other times they are so distant. For example, quite often I tell the people in my dreams that I am currently dreaming them, and they just stare at me. It is like I just burst their bubble, and they don't want to believe me.... 

I am Me

People get surprised after they know the real me... well i didn't ask them to expect i m prefect or angle, i m who i am, not more or less.

people think of me high, well its nice and good to be prefect at the eyes of ppl but then when they know the real you the get surprised. Because they want you to be someone you r are not. when ppl see me they think i m gentle, family guy, not social, religious well i m not i m fun guy, romantic, very social, i like to let loose i m very open person and one thing they never expect i m single...

Well ppl i come as package take it or leave it. ... Kind Of Obvious... but just to make it perfectly clear, I'm not who I'm not :)

When I'm Gone by 3 Doors Down

There's another world inside of me that you may never see

There's secrets in this life that I can't hide

I think this is about a part of your life you are not able to share with the other person, but you want to share... the secrets are hidden, but they are in plain sight... either by choice or by subconscious actions of the person who has the secret. He/she wants to share it, but it may be too painful to share, or for someone to hear it, let along understand it, or accept it. It is just a matter of actually seeing them, whether you want to understand that secret is up to you. It goes on to talk about a loneliness inside this person, or a darkness... whatever it is, he/she is wanting to bring it out, to talk it out, to share it with the other person. 

Somewhere in this this darkness there's a light that I can't find

Maybe it's too far away or maybe I'm just blind

Or maybe I'm just blind

I believe this is a secret, that you are not able to share, that it is so dark... the light is courage... blind is fear...

It's so true! This song is one of those songs you can get lost in for hours! 

When I'm Gone - 3 Doors Down

LYRICS

There's another world inside of me 

That you may never see

There're secrets in this life

That I can't hide

Somewhere in this darkness

There's a light that I can't find

Maybe it's too far away...

Or maybe I'm just blind...

Or maybe I'm just blind...

So hold me when I'm here

Right me when I'm wrong

Hold me when I'm scared

And love me when I'm gone

Everything I am

And everything in me

Wants to be the one

You wanted me to be

I'll never let you down

Even if I could

I'd give up everything

If only for your good

So hold me when I'm here

Right me when I'm wrong

You can hold me when I'm scared

You won't always be there

So love me when I'm gone

Love me when I'm gone...

When your education X-Ray

Cannot see under my skin

I won't tell you a damn thing

That I could not tell my friends

Roaming through this darkness

I'm alive but I'm alone

Part of me is fighting this

But part of me is gone

Or maybe I'm just blind...

Love me when I'm gone...

Love me when I'm gone

When I'm Gone

When I'm Gone

When I'm Gone

Manna Dey - The Legend

AAJ MANNA DEY JEE KA JANAM DIN HAI, UNKE GAANE MUJHE HUMESHA SE INSPIRE KARTE AAYE HAI. AISE MUJHE KABHI PURANE GAANO KA SHAUK NAHI THA LEKIN MERE PAPA HUMESHA MUJHE INSIST KARTE THE KE MAI PURANE GAANE SUNA KARU KHAAS TAUR SEKISHORE KUMAAR AUR MANNA DEY JE KE. SACH KAHE TO TAB SE PURANE GAANO KA SHAUK HUA.

ISME KOI SHAQUE NAHI HAI KE MANNA DEY INDIA KE BEST SINGERS ME SE EK HAI. INKI VERSATILITY HI HU INKI PECHAAN HAI.. MD. RAFI, TALAT MEHMOOD, MUKESH SAHAB, KISHORE KUMAR JAISE BOHOT SAARE LEGENDARY SINGERS KE SAATH UNHO NE LIME LIGHT SHARE KARI HAI. UNKE PITA KA NAAM THA PURNA CHANDRA DEY AUR UNKE MAA KA NAAM, MAHAMAYA DEY. BACHPAN SE HI SANGEET ME UNKI BOHOT RUCHI THI. AUR USS WAQT UNKE INSPIRATION AUR KOI NAHI BALKE UNKE UNCLE "KRISHNA CHANDRA DEY THE JO KUDH EK MUSIC TEACHER THE. KEHENA TO HOGA KI LIFE STORY AUR UNKI SINGING CAREER, DONON HI KAAFI INSPIRING HAI. AS A PLAYBACK SINGER UNKI KI CAREER KI SHURUAAT HUI 1943 ME FILM "TAMANNA" SE, UNKE UNCLE "KRISHNA CHANDRA DEY" ISS FILM KE MUSIC COMPOSER THE, ISSI FILM ME MANNA DEY NE SURAIYA KE SAATH MILKAR EK BEHAD HI KHUBSURAT KA DUET GAAYA THA. AUR GAANE KO SABHI NE PASAND KIYA. SAAL 1950 ME EK FILM AAIE "MASHAAL", JISME EK GAAN AHI "UPAR GAGAN VISHAAL", YE UNKA SOLO SONG THA S.D.BURMAN NE ISS GAANE KO COMPOSE KIYA THA. SAAL 1952 ME UNHO NE FILM "AMAR BHUPALI" KE LIYE EK GAANA GAYA JISSE BHASHAO ME BHI COMPOSE KIYA GAYA AUR MANNA DEY JE NE BENGALI AUR MARATHI, DONO HI LANGUAGES ME ISS GAANE KO GAYA AUR DESH BHAR KE SABSE CHAHITE SINGER BANN GAYE

MANNA DEY BOHOT HI VERSATILE SINGER THE AISE KOI SINGER NAHI THE JO UNKI KI ISS VERSATILITY KI NAKAL KAR PAYE. MD. RAFI, KISHORE KUMAR JAISE AUR BHI BOHOT SE LEGENDARY SINGERS KE GAANO KO UNHO NE BADE AARAAM SE GAYA HAI. WO BHI APNE EK UNIQUE STYLE ME.. MANNA DEY DEFINATELY ISS INDUSTRY KE SABSE BEST TRAINED SINGER HAI.. UNHO NE ALAG ALAG BHASHAON ME BOHOT SAARE GAANE GAYE, BOHOT SAARE GAANO KO APNE SURO SE SAJAYA HAI, DUNIYA BHAR ME STAGE SHOWS KIYE HAI. YE APNE AUDIENCE KA HUMESHA KHAYAL RAKHTE HAI .AGAR YAKEEN NAHI HOTA TO KABHI MAUKA MILE TO UNKE LIVE SHOWS KI VIDEO AP YOUTUBE ME ZAROR DEKHIYEAGA. UNKI JHOLI ME AWARDS KI KAMI NAHI HAI. PADMA SHRI HO YA PADAM BHUSHAN, EK SINGER KO JITNE AWARDS MIL SAKTE HAI, UNTE UNKE KI JHOLI ME HAI..

Someone Like You Is Impossible To Find

We never met, but we went through big argument, laughing and understanding each other which is very rare nowadays between male and female friends.

I admit I am still one of those kinds who is looking for the right person to spend my life with. And I am also not going to deny, I was one of those who messed around who didn't take things serious. But after all I grown up and gained some respectful trustful friendships instead of random sex or irresponsible choices.
And I have always been kind and loving to my closest people, and people who need help. And I am very glad that these are something never been changed. Well that's how I see this world.

Alright, I'm wondering why I'm writing this?! I've never been more excited to write. This post is for a girl who is really mysterious but still I feel I know her. I still can't figure how I found her but I don't want to think about that. At first we used to chat very formally but then we started talking like we are good friends. Even today we do the same, we talk like any normal good friends does. We hardly share few likes and dislikes in common but love to chat. She is one girl who is original, Cannot be replaced. I do have female friends and they are really good to me and as person too. I feel lucky to have then but when its comes about mysterious girl, Well I don't know what to say, I Smile and Smile and Smile. The funniest part is, Sometimes she gets angry when I reply with a smiley " :) ". I like the way she is. There are only a few people who are kind and on the same hand open minded. I wanted to know her more, and I guess now I know her! Can't say about "MORE". I know there is still more to discover about her and I'm sure one day I will. She does her best for me to know her, I love the effort she puts to keep our friendship alive and making it strong day by day. Her Tags, Her Notes, Even a normal smiley grabs my attention. I don't know why but when ever I see a new message in my inbox, I expect it to be her. Hope she never gets me wrong because she certainly one of the best thing that has happened to me.

I never met Her, but I feel I know her.

I Am who I Am

Two years ago I wouldn't be writing this with a positive attitude. I have been through something that changed my life forever. Thats okay though because I love who I am I love who I am becoming.

After my traumatic experience I wasn't the same. I was so sad and always depressed. I wouldn't go anywhere I wouldn't do anything and I could hardly be bothered to leave my room. I was always wondering when the pain was going to go away. I hated being that way, but I wasn't doing anything to fix it.

I would love to say there was another life changing experience that led me to happiness again, but there wasn't. It just took time. I went to self-counseling, I talked with friends and eventually I was learning to deal with it. I was wondering why it happened to me insead of wondering why I survived it.  I survived what happened for a reason. I am now a stronger, smarter, and by far much more wise.

It may have taken me some time to realize that what happened changed me for the best, but I now know that it has. I hope that anyone that has been in a life altering situation chooses to become better because of it. Its not always easy, but it doesn't have to be as hard as we sometimes make it.

Looking Back In Future

Too bad my weekend will consist of studying and working. As I'm writing this, I'm sitting in my studio, Doing my show and on the same time writing too. I guess writing is a part of my talent.

I've been constantly asking myself lately, if this is where I am supposed to be in life. I feel like I screwed up so many things and maybe I'm starting over. Now, on the OTHER hand... I feel like I'm old. I'm done. No one is going to want to date an old hag like me but then I got an answer from myself "Dude, You are just 20, stop talking like a loser". After whatever I went through in my life I won't deny the fact that I really have changed a lot. It is good in some cases but not in case of friendship and bonding. I started looking and trearting everything with a professional point of view. I really forgot myself, certainly I did. But I've decided not to screw up more.

I thought my life is perfect, I play guitar, I write blog, I do Facebook, I have a good voice, My professional friends appreciates my talent, My Directors loves what I do, My office mates claims that I'm one of the best Voice Over Artist in my region And then I think, but I don't have anyone to share ME with...  And this is where I decided I'm lost.  I don't know where I should be.  Or what I should be doing.  I have a job, my business is doing pretty good, Whose to say where MY life should be?? Am I behind in achievements or something?  WHAT AM I MISSING!?!?!?

I know what i want, I want to be ME again, So I will be.

I'll be myself, but better. The new and improved me- the non angry me, the non lazy me, the non cynical me, the non negative me, the non berating me, the non sad me. I'll be good. I'll be kind. I'll be steadfast. I'll be faithful. I'll be proactive. I'll be diligent. I'll be open. I'll be funny. I'll be humble. I'll be half serious. I'll be calm. I'll be gentle. I'll be loving. I'll be really fucking good on stage, (with my grateful attitude, and humility in tact, of course). I will be happy, I want to become a person that radiates light, and goodness.

So what I'm learning is, there are a lot of nice people around. I'm also being reminded that I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to others. Couple that with the newness of my job and I feel pretty stressed in general.

How is it that I SEE myself repeating my mistakes. I SEE what I am doing wrong when I am doing it - and even before I do it. And yet I still do it? Why?

The scale read 76 today. I'm going up. I'm not working out and I am eating poorly. Let me expand on that one... I am eating destructively. Not only am I eating bad once in a while and not eating my veggies, I am actively eating the worst things. Why is that??

I know it's emotional, but I almost can't help it. ... That sounds so weak. Lame.

Once I started losing weight and changed my whole lifestyle before, I realized that when I was unhappy, I ate to try to ignore it or push it aside. And when I was really low, I thought about food a lot. I would literally think about what I was going to eat next, or where I could go to get something to eat. And then I changed. I ate to live instead of the other way around. And I was proud of myself! But now here I am doing the same thing I did back then. I am noticing that I think about food more and want to eat the unhealthiest things. Especially when I'm alone, that's when I pick up the chocolate bar at the store or go thru the drive thru and don't tell anyone. It's gross. Bad. Destructive.

I've asked the question, why, a couple times now. But if I am being honest, I know what's up. I don't know what to do with myself most days. I don't want any close ties with anyone. I am missing someone. I am pretending to be happy.

But from now, I wont be doing it. I am going back to ME. The "ME" which i was few years back. Will be taking back all the goods and will kick all the bads about myself out.

Now I need to let people back in my life. I've always kept such a distance from people, I would never tell them anything about myself. I had a deep line drawn in the sand around me. I hope I can let that go and invite someone in.

Lastly would like to say "Sorry" and "Thank You" to whom it may concern.

Tere Naam Ye Geet hai...

Wrote and composed this song. The lyrics really means a lot for me, I never wanted to share this but i couldn't stop myself from recording and sharing. If you find anything offensive or even if you dislike anything about the composition then kindly ignore it or keep it to yourself. I really don't want to deal with any kind of critics view or negative response...    This one.. is really special for me, Dedicated to a special friend but the worst part is.. She is not in this world... I don't want to write anymore in regard this post.

Thank You...

Tere_Naam_(acoustic and unplugged)_By_Anup_Verma

LYRICS

Tere naam ye geet hai

Teri yaadon ki ek sangeet hai

Aankhien meri namm hogaie

Unhi aasuon se likhi gaie hai

Yaadein teri isme basi hai

Chahat iski teri hasi hai

Ek arse pehle tha khwab mera

Tu ho meri main hu tera

Meri aankhon mein teri tasweer hai

Teri khushi mein meri zindagi hai

Chahu tujhe main par tu saath nahi

Kehta hai dil tu hai yahin kahin

Tere naam ye geet hai

Teri yaadon ki ek sangeet hai

Aankhien meri namm hogaie

Unhi aasuon se likhi gaie hai

Haan Likhi Gaie hai

Tu Yahi Kahi Hai

Meri Zindagi Hai

I Too Had A Love Story..

I really have no idea ho to begin this post, Lots of thoughts are
popping in my mind. Feel like sharing every single thing but I know I
won't.

Do you believe in love at first sight? Well, I do. I fall in love
everyday when I see a cute girl with good height, Just kidding.
Actually I do believe because one I fell in love, I got to know what
is love.

Guess it was friendship's day, me and few of my friends went to cosmos
mall because few year back only cosmos was the coolest place we knew.
There I spotted a cute barbie like girl sitting with a guy(probably
his friend). I don't know why I couldn't put my eyes off her. Just
wanted to make an eye contact with her. Everything was in slow
motion...That was the first time when I actually realised that there
is something in the universe called LOVE. But that went easy, The next
day was absolutely normal like I never felt something like infatuation
or love.

After a few days I saw her with her another friend. This might sound
cheap but I followed her home. After that things went really fast, my
higher secondary exams, and then life in a Radio. I soon discovered
who she was. I didn't appointed any agent or something but once I went
to an office and saw her. Through that way I actually got to know who
was she. Orkut was really famous those days, I found her on orkut and
sent her a friend request. After a couple of week she accepted the
request. And then started the chatting part. I won't be writing the
exact reality because I don't want to reveal her identity. But soon we
realised that we would make a good friendship. We became friends and I
started having some kind of likeness toward her. But then arrives a
bad news, She was in a relationship. But after knowing that, nothing
changed at all, at times she used to tell me her BF is jealous of me
but most of the times she speaks about me. I don't know if it was
true. I didn't killed those feelings but just accepted the fact that me
and her will never work so I stopped myself
From loving her more and more. She used to share all her problems and
happiness with me. I trusted her and guess she use to do the same. I
sent her surprise gifts on rose day as I already promised her that I
will make that day memorable for her, I don't know if she still
remembers that day or not. But I do.

After a couple of months things were not like before, everything was
perfect but the strong bonding between us went loose for no reason.
Something did created a communication gap between us. But yet we tried
our best to keep this friendship alive. There was a day when we used
to talk whole day and night long, and here is a day when we hardly
see each other, or talk or send forward sms etc.

She had a dream and I always prayed to god help her fulfilling her
dreams. The pray worked and she achieved her dream. And all of a
sudden, she just disappeared. No sign of her. I couldn't find her on
facebook. Don't have her number, nothing....

I guess it was her decision to put an end to everything. I still don't
know why. The worst part, there are rumours in the market that me and
she are/were in a relationship. There are people who says me and she
are couples. I hate listening this. Of course we did shared a good
understanding and friendship but we weren't couples. I agree that once
I loved her but I know that friendship was the best part of our
relationship. I really want to speak to her but don't know how and
why.

Hope she remembers me.

Guess now you have an idea why i named this post "I too had a love story". Sill i'm not sure if it was Love but i wont regret saying that i too fell in love once. I don't know if i will go through that same feeling again but guess i'm not interested or don't want to get into a relationship.

Press Pause. Not Stop.

So I will be taking a small break from blogging for the next few weeks so I can focus on college work and exams. It won't be too long I promise. I would also like to use this time as a chance to reflect on the nature of this blog and the direction I want it to continue in. rjanup.blogspot.com will be three years and a month old at the end of April and well that is quite a long time to be doing this. No this isn't my swan song but I do feel I have changed as a person in this time: my tastes, my outlook, my opinions and interests.

rjanup.blogspot.com began as a mere hobby: an outlet away from studies and radio and a way for me the flex my creative muscles while building and polishing my writing skills. I never thought anyone other than a handful of friends would read this but thousands of you have and my blog has became so much more. It has grown and continues to grow both as apart of me and online. I have met so many interesting people and made many wonderful friends. Most of all I have memories I will treasure for ever. My Blog was at first a scrap blog of all that was style, fashion and generally pretty before incorporating more pop culture elements. At this moment in time I feel unsure of what "rjanup.blogspot" is. All I do know is that I feel like a ship that no longer wants to be anchored. I see a vast ocean ahead of me but first I must choose what course to follow.

So in the meantime if you would like to give me any feedback on what you have liked or disliked here or any suggestions on what you would like to see here in the future, please do! I would love to hear your opinions. For example would you like to see more personal posts, story boards, video posts, movie reviews, interviews etc.? How do you as a reader feel about this blogs? Let me know! I would really appreciate your feedback and see you soon!

Aaj Ki Race

Since I am still feeling too lazy to write some actually meaningful posts (even though no one has ever accused me of writing ‘meaningful’ stuff), I thought I will borrow few couplets from Shahryar, famous urdu poet, Gyan peeth award 2008 winner and the man behind Umrao Jaan magic (off course old one) and share my view on the same (because this is one thing I can do anytime)
siine mein jalan aankhon mein tuufaan saa kyun hai

is shahar mein har shaKhs pareshaan saa kyun hai…

This soulful ghazal is from the movie Gaman (1979) composed by Jaidev and sung by Suresh Wadekar and off course pen down by Shahryar… Shaharyar ka matlab hota hai ‘Friend of the City’… apne naam ke saath kya wafa ki janaab ne apne shahar ka sacha haal bata kar… 1979 mein agar yeh haal that oh aaj 31 saal baad us jalan aur toofan ki rang-o-boo ka toh aap bakhoobi andazza laga sakte hain…
Jaate jaate…. Rat race ke is zamane ke liye main bhi kuch bayan karna chahta hoon…khaaskar dosto ke liye...
Yahan koi kisi ko koi raasta nahi deta,
mujhe gira ke tum samabhal sako toh chalo…

Your Death!!!

When a bird is alive, It eats Ants,
When the bird is dead, Ants eat the bird!
Time & Circumstances can change at any time
Don’t devalue or hurt anyone in life.
You may be powerful today
But Remember, Time is more powerful than You!!!
One tree makes a million match stick
But when the time comes, Only one match stick is needed to burn million trees

Moral: One day you will die and will be eaten by ants. The only thing you take is your Deeds, So be good and do good, Thank Almighty for everything and don’t disrespect others. You are lucked that you have been blessed

Happy Birthday Shiwam(mota)

I have not been updating my blog in ages, Time is very expensive. Or maybe it's just my lazy nature. haha

A lot has happened in the last few weeks. I have been meeting a lot of people and it has been really great so far. Everyone has been so friendly and all and it's good to know that they went through/going though what I am experiencing now so there is lot of support and all. :)

When I'm here, I can see very clearly that I need to improve so many areas in my life. I thought to stop blogging for few days since my exams are near but today is a very special day! :) Today is Shiwam's BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOTA! You have been such a wonderful friend for the past million years. :) I never fail to have fun and to laugh like crap when I'm hanging with you. :) You are a great example of a great friend and I'm really thankful to call you my friend. :) I owe you okay? I know I keep saying it but I do. hahaha! I hope you have a very very good birthday! I wish I could celebrate it with you! All the best for your A levels and all, which I know you will do well in! Thank You for everything and I hope this will lead to many more years of friendship for us. love you lots! and missing you! I will write to you again and hopefully it will reach you soon! Take care Mota! see you at the end of the year yeah? lots of love!!!! GOD BLESS!!!!! :)

This Life Is A Performance

Ever since having a health scare and being pissed off from my life, I have been acting as though I'm fine with what my life is becoming. I'm not happy. I tried to put on strong face but I just feel like I'm lying to myself. Im not okay. I'm hating how everything is going. I just want my life to be the way it used to be. I pretend I'm okay because nobody in my life would understand. I feel like i cant live a happy life because I'm going through emotions from not being happy with my love life, health, and current state in life. Will I ever not have to pretend? Is happiness a reality, true happiness? I dont want to have to pretend that I'm in a good mental place Bc I am certainly not!

Drowning

Right now in this very moment, everyone around me thinks I've got it totally together, everything's fine, and just ask me and I'll have the answer. Someone comes to be with their issue and I'm the one who puts things right, make them laugh, give them the shoulder they need. When in all honesty, right now, I want to walk off the edge of the cliff and free fall into the bay. I am nonexistent to everyone who said they would be there "no matter what" and trying to hide from everyone else. I'm basically just going thru the motions and slowly shutting down. When I talk to someone I immediately turn the subject to them, or anything else but me. My Best friend, the only one I have is avoiding me for reasons unknown to me. Its been two weeks since I've talked to him. My phone is quiet all the time and I'm wondering why I bothered charging it back up. Yet, no one would ever guess that I'm wallowing in misery that I have to use every ounce of energy I have to pull thru every second of the day.

The Two Days - 24th and 25th march 2012

Certainly this post means a lot to me, Now dont ask me "WHY?" Just read the post and you will know the reason.

Day 1 Saturday

I didn't wanted but yet i had to wake up at 7 am! last night i slept at 2am and a 5 hours sleep ain't enough. Me, Subhankar(babu) bhaiya, Ashish Jija ji and Prithvi(Laddu) slept at the community hall of Manikaran apartment which was prithvi's Home. Of course had a plan for the day but it was a bit messed up. Its true that Mixed opinions never works. But finally "WE" made a plan.! "WE" stands for Preeti di, Sima di, Anu Di, Monu Di, Jessica, Prithivi, Ashish jiju and amit jiju! We planned for a Movie followed by a trip to Sewoke. But first i had one important thing in my TO-DO list, To drop one relative to airport! the flight was schedulled for 1045 am. My Chachu handed me the keys of his WagonR asking me to take him to the airport, i started getting excited as because i never drove to that route and i always wanted. I couldn't because i dont own a car.

A wise thought came into my mind, Thus i handed the keys to Dilip Chacha asking him to let Ashish jiju drive and experience Bengal's roads! So, All set.... Me, Babu bhaiya, Uncle, And ashish Jiju. NEXT STOP - BAGDOGRA AIRPORT. We were just about to Take off but suddenly prithvi arrives and says "hum bhi jayega aap log ke saath" We wanted amit jiju to come with us but guess the possiblities became much lesser. But yet we managed to hop amit jiju and prithvi IN.

We arrived at the airport 15 minutes before reporting. Waved Adios to Uncle and then i took the initiative to drive back home. I drove good i guess!! even i was surprise seeing my own driving skills. It was almost 1030am while we reached darjeeling more, we took the route to checkpost as we planned to have breakfast at Sagar restaurant. Reached there but then thought of having PIZZAs..! I guess we were the first customer for Dominos. Ordered 2 farmhouse pizza, one pasta and 2 sprite. After having an Unhealthy and sooooper junky breakfast, BACK HOME...

Around 1150 am, I got a call from my director Mr. Dilip Dugar :-

DD - Hello Anup
Me - haan sir
DD - aaj tumko ek baar 1230 pe office aana padega ek interview lena hai.
Me - kinka?
DD - Aaj wo MONTANA VISTA club me Siliguri ke IG (Inspector General) ki Wife Sheenu agarwal ki Art exhibition hai to unhi ka ek interview

lena hai sirf 10 - 15 minutes ka kaam hai
Me - ok sir, mai aroung 12 baje office aajaunga
DD - okay!

Meanwhile, it was time to execute our plan - watching AGENT VINOD at Inox, Orbit Mall. We had to postpone the time of the show from 12pm to 130 pm but everyone was cool with that. I reached my office and the journey of Waiting and waiting started... 12 - 1215 - 1230 - 1245 and then DD told me to come at 3pm as the person whom im going to interview is unable to come now. I said "hmmmmm sir actually thoda kaam hai so 4 baje ke baad aane se hoga?
DD : 4 baje to wo exhibition hi hai na
Me : ok mai 3 baje aajaunga aap Gadi bhijwa dijeaga.
DD : haan haan wo tum chinta mat karo, Vishnu (our driver bhaiya) ko phone kar dena wo tumko pich kar lega
Me : theek hai.

I pickked my bag and called up Subhankar bhaiya

SB : haan bolo pullu(my nick name)
Me : aap log kitne baje nikal rahe hai movie ke liye?
SB : 130 ka show hai to bas 10 minutes me nikal rahe hai hum log
Me : ok mai aap logon ko INOX me hi milunga!
SB : theek hai tum direct pohoch jao

As fast as possible i reached INOX and called up Abhinav

*Abhinav Shrivastav - My ex-colleuge from Radio High now working as Marketting Head at INOX

I met him after a long time! Had a bit chat and then my "WE" arrived. Took the tickets, entered the theater Screen 1 and the movie started. Inbetween the movie i had to escape from there as i was schedulled for my office, I called up Vishnu bhaiya and asked him to come at Orbit mall. At 245 pm he arrived and i Came to my office. and within 15 minutes DD called me up and said that the interview has been postponed to MONDAY. I was happy but on the same hand Irritated coz i missed the Movie (actually the mid part of it). I ran to inox and continued watching the movie and from my journey from entering at ORBIT mall me seat, An interesting story happened

I lost the tickets so the guards weren't allowing me to go inside, I wanted to scold them and speak to the manager but i didnt coz they were just doing their job. I came down and went to the EXIT way of inox, Called up my brother Prithivi and said him to come to the exit of inox and open the door, its locked from Inside, He came and opened he door and then we forgot which door leads us to Screen 1. We started our searching task. One by one we went thorugh all the doors that leads us to an unknown screen. The list includes a bengali movie too. But finally we managed to get into the right screen. Continued the movie and it was good.

After the movie we planned to go to sewoke which was approx 15-20 kms from Orbit Mall. We had a WagonR and a Suzuki Access. Amit jiju and Anu di took the 2 wheeler and Me, Ashish jiju, Monu di, Jessica, Preeti di and prithivi took the WagonR. We reached and went down to the River Bank. Started clicking funny but creative pictures, Everyone wanted to show their Photography talent and everyone did, Made crazy things on Sand using my sunglasses and some other stuffs.




Around 530 pm we decided to go back home as it was getting DARKKKKK!!! Me and Subhankar bhaiya took the 2 wheeler and the others adjusted in the 4 wheeler. Subhankar bhaiya wanted to play Bowling and there is only one place in siliguri i guess where we have bowling, COSMOS MALL. We got ourself a Gaming Card which allows us to play games. Played almost all types of games including Bowling, Airhockey, Basket Ball, MotoGP, Boxing etc etc etc...

Reached Home sweet home and got to know that my uncle Arun broke his leg. But it was a minor fracture so the level of "WORRY" was less but it was quite a bad news. After having Dinner we came back to prithivi's house but this time i bought my Guitar with me as Ashish jiju wanted. At 1130 PM we started singing and playing and recording and at 230 we thought "THATS ENOUGH FOR TODAY". Went to bed and Thought of having a good sleep but couldn't sleep because we had company. The population of our room suddenly increased to approx a thousand i guess, 3 were Me, Subhanker bhaiya and Dilip chachu, And the rest were MACCHARRRRRRRR..!
But yet we managed to get rid of em.

Therefore DAY 1 ends here.

DAY 2 - SUNDAY

The day started just like the day before, Woke up at 7am. Since we already had a plan for the day so we didn't had to worry much. The only thing on our list was "MIRIK". Since the last few days were extremely busy so all of us were desperately looking forward to have some good time after all we know this very well that this time is never gonna come back. Around 11am, we got ready. Got ourself some Chips and cold drinks, I took my guitar, Jiju took his camera and all of us had breakfast and then the "LETS GO MOMENT". The first stop was Hotel Jagjit, Mirik. But on the way we Stopped by Mirik View Point. Clicked some pictures and had ORGANIC TEA, Everyone were claiming that the tea is awesome, its healthy, we must have this daily but i knew that no one actually liked a tea WITHOUT SUGAR. I agree that was healthy but tastes worst than Whisky. Then we went to Hotel Jagit, Mirik




HOTEL JAGJIT, MIRIK

My sister Sima recommmended us that place mentioning that place is known for its delicious food and hospitality, But the experience we had there was way different than what we heard. Around 145pm we entered the Restaurant but there were no vacant seat available, A guy (i guess he was a waiter) asked us to wait outside untill they manage a table for 10 (me, sima di, preeti di, jessica, prithvi, anu di, amit jiju, monu di, ashish jiju, Babu bhaiya). We waited outside for approx 15-20 minutes and then we finally got a table, but the waiting wasn't over yet. Usually Ordering is quicker than deciding the order here, it was different. Some how we were able to place our order. And then we started planning whats next?! but then we realised that it has been more than an hour since we ordered our lunch. NOW THATS REALLY A LONG TIME. Babu bhaiya cracked a joke which really made us laugh : "Hotel jagjit lagta hai jagjit singh ke jaisa ho hai.. wo singer dhere dhere ghazal gaata hai, aur ye log dhere dhere khaana banate aur serve karte hai". After having our lunch THE H---o---t---e---l J---a---g---j--i--t we went to the most famous place in mirik. I actually dont remember the name of that place but all i can say that it was like a huge ground, They had Horse ride and much more available. Beautiful Lake, Mountains, Jungles etc. Every Wanna Be photographers will definately love that place. The most fun experience that we had there was MOUNTAIN CLIMBING. Alrite Not the real mountain climbing but its was a thrill experience, climbing up at 70 degree and almost 40 ft ain't easy my friend. The toughest part is coming down.! We clicked some pictures and while returning, we spotted a Monastery on the peak of the mountain and decided to go there. It was more like a castel or something i cant explain.




I felt like i was in china and the people there were Kung-fu Championg. We went inside the monastery and witnessed the elegant art and idols of Bhutanees. The best part was "photography was not prohibited". So it was time to return home because i had my show from 7pm so i was a bit worried because it was 5pm already. I asked the driver to take us to siliguri as fast and safely as possible. And here we reached siliguri at around 650, But still i was worried because my office was still far and i some how had to reach before 7 or else who will do the show?.

Everything went good and smooth. Two days of Lifetime. What a wonderfull experience i had with my family. May everyone gets siblings as i have.